New Year's Resolutions

It’s been years since I’ve been taken in by the New Year’s resolution racket. I’ve always thought putting together a wish list before the New Year was, as Milan Kundera would put it, utter kitsch. After all, if resolutions are supposed to be things you covet, things that you truly want to accomplish, or even things you want to change about your life why would you wait until the end of the year to enumerate them?

On the other hand, maybe taking stock as one decade ends and another begins makes a great deal of sense.

Unlike some of my prior lists, these resolutions are, by design, more selective, generic and ill-defined. They purposely lack a sense of measurement and accountability. And maybe that’s a good thing. Letting go of checklists and time tables allows these resolutions to breathe the open air and become, collectively, what they really represent: a long-term hope that I can become a better person.

PERSONAL

*Be More Open to Love: I think I might be getting beyond this. And this. And definitely this. I want to be in love. Now, if I could only figure out how…

*Be More Open to Others: I am recognizing that a person cannot understand the contours of love without first caring for others. And not just people you happen to know. Beyond family. Beyond friends. Beyond even yourself. Love without boundaries is my goal. I have a lot of work to do.

SPIRITUALITY

*Delve Deeper: I’ve been hinting at this all year. The more I embrace Simple Living, the more I recognize a vacuum somewhere deep inside of me. I’m starting to take the first tentative steps towards filling that vacuum. Let’s see where it leads me.

HEALTH

*New and Improved Diet: After a new-found focus on my diet, I’m gradually moving towards a more cohesive sense of how I want to eat. Still dealing with the basics: less red meat, more salads, more fruit, and more awareness of what’s in my food and where it comes from. It will be interesting how this one evolves this coming year.

PRACTICAL

*Be More Organized: It’s probably the dude in me. I usually don’t let it get out of hand but when I do my place becomes an obstacle course of clothing, empty water bottles, and pizza boxes. I find that I have more energy and a clearer mind when everything is in its place. I think it helps that I have almost nothing at this point. But still…

*Stop Rushing: Yup, I’m one of those people. If I have a meeting somewhere I will wait until I have just enough time to get moving. What ends up happening is that I suddenly drop what I am doing and rush over in a panic to make sure I get there on time. There is just no need for all that stress and frustration. I think the solution is to plan to get to meetings 5 minutes before I have to be there and to leave a lot earlier than I do now.

Dancing Update

[Photo: ellowcitizensmusic.com]

It has been a relaxing couple of weeks. Nothing like some sun and more than just a few beers to relax the mind and reenergize the spirit.

Now that I´m back from vacation, I can now turn to several things that have been bugging me recently. Top of my list is how I´m doing on the dance floor.

Frankly, this whole learning how to dance thing is not going well. I JUST DON’T GET RHYTHM. Let me rephrase…I can generally hear the rhythm in a piece of music and can even clap the rhythm out for a bit. But I´m screwed when it comes to applying rhythm on the dance floor. You have no idea how stressful my lessons have become. I feel bad that I´m not advancing as fast as I should be. I am constantly apologizing to my teacher for taking so long to get the basics. I am always watching the clock, hoping that the hour passes as quickly as possible. In short, I´m really not having any fun.

But, hey, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I´m going to take another shot at this thing with a new attitude. Maybe I´m putting too much stress on myself. The point, after all, IS to have some fun and learn the basics at my own pace. I´ll let you know how it goes.

All I Have in the World

After all the pondering, all the planning, all the craigslist sales, and all the Salvation Army donations it came down to one single photo. Aside from (1) the stuff itemized in my bike trip post and (2) some coats and jackets I have to pick up from the local dry cleaners on Friday, this picture captures EVERY SINGLE THING I OWN IN THE WORLD:


Cool huh? :) What really gets me is that about half of what you are seeing consists of books and mementos (photos, letters, etc…).
For those of you who have followed this de-cluttering process, here’s where I came out on certain issues:

Furniture: sold most of everything I had and donated the rest. I kept certain things that I will be giving to family members later on this year (they can’t quite make it to DC just yet).

Clothing/linens: gave away 12 (that’s right, 12!) bags of clothing, linens, towels, etc…I still have a couple of bags to drop off this weekend.

Books: gave away approximately 80% of all the books I had. The criteria was simple: keep only those books that you consider to be small treasures. The rest can be shared with the world.

What about you, my dear reader? Are you thinking about doing something similar? If you have already started, what stage are you in the process? If you have completed the process, any advice on what to expect going forward?

Progress So Far (Q1 2009)

[Image:mtgfoundation.com]

I figured you guys would appreciate an update on how the war against the Enemy is going. The bottom line is this: the Plan, while still active and very much on target, is starting to run its course. Most of the goals I set out for myself last year have been met. I genuinely feel as if I am on the cusp of breaking free from all the physical/material impediments to “freedom,” however ephemeral that term may be.

Pretty soon, I won’t have any “thing” left to dispose of. At that point, I will have no choice but to look inward for additional ways to simplify my life.

Getting Rid of Consumer Debt/Student Loans
Start: Ongoing
End: September 1, 2009

STATUS: Now that I no longer have any consumer debt, the focus continues to be on paring down my expenses. Will continue paying off my student loans, though, I will probably rely on support from my law school when I start working again.

QUARTERLY GRADE: N/A


Sale of Stuff

Start: July 2008
End: December 2009

STATUS: What a difference a couple of months makes. After some tentative activity on Craigslist, I’ve been selling all sorts of stuff non-stop. I think part of the reason for the turnaround has been a completely new perspective on this process. The focus is no longer on making $ from these sales. With a few exceptions, I’ve marked down all of my items at far below market value. This ensures that things will be sold quickly and efficiently. I’ve also decided to give away part of my belongings to charity.

What I’ve come to realize is that, ultimately, it is the ABSENCE of stuff that I am seeking. Maximizing any monetary gains from these sales would be counterproductive to what I am hoping to find: simple happiness.

QUARTERLY GRADE: A+


Selling the Townhouse
Start: October 1, 2008
End: September 1, 2009

STATUS: One word: nowhere. The house has been on the market for several months now and while I’ve gotten some interest, it doesn’t look like it’s going to sell anytime soon. The reality is that we are still in the middle of the biggest housing downturn in 70 years and potential buyers are just too cautious. I think I will wait through the middle of the summer and then explore my options. Let’s see what happens.

QUARTERLY GRADE: D


Leaving My Job
Start: December 17, 2009
End: December 31, 2009

STATUS: All I can say is that leaving my job was the single best decision I have ever made. Period.

QUARTERLY GRADE: A

Embracing My Inner Nerd

[Photo: image.guardian.co.uk]

This is just sooo frickin’ awesome!! I’m sitting in a café near Dupont Circle thinking about next steps and my mind is just spinning with possibilities. It feels as if “the rest of my life” has finally come and there appears to be no end in sight. Spread out before me are several copies of Lonely Planet, a map of the world, a copy of Outside magazine, and a cup of green tea.

But while the urge for travel, adventure and assorted international mischief beckons like never before, something else has begun to monopolize my every waking thought: the potential to expand my education to its furthest possible limit. That’s right, my dear reader. When Jack is not discovering the pleasures of yoga and meditation, enduring endless carnal temptations, and/or occasionally imbibing to his heart’s content, he is absolutely, completely, positively, and without question embracing his inner nerd!

[Photo: movingpicturesmagazine.com]

THE PLAN, PART DEUX

Call it the Plan, after the Plan. Maybe Plan #2 is more appropriate. Or even The Plan, part deux.

Whatever you call it, I feel it has the potential to exist at the very core of my being for the rest of my life. It is nothing short of embracing education as a lifestyle.

COMPONENTS

At any one time I want to immerse myself in books and/courses focusing on (1) themes involving history/culture/philosophy/politics; (2) literature; and (3) foreign languages. Throughout, I want to be able to combine all three components as I travel. For example, I could learn a much Hindi as possible before traveling to India where I could take a course on partition. Or maybe I could brush up on my Spanish while taking a course on the Incas before heading out on a trip to Machu Pichu. For me, the sky will be the limit.

ARE THERE ANY FELLOW DORKS OUT THERE?

I know, I know. This post is just oozing nerdyness. But can you blame me? I just wanted to share a little of my excitement as I embrace a new-found freedom I am only now discovering. Besides, I can’t be the only one that finds this super cool. Seriously, are there any fellow nerds out there?

Note that those of you interested in this aspect of my journey can always check out my progress at my other blog: Adventures in Intellectual Stupidity.

Progress So Far (Q4 2008)

[Image: files.losalamosnm.us]

It’s that time again! I know it’s a little overdue. But hey, with all the holiday merriment and multiple hangovers from the past week now behind me I figured it was about time to check in on how the war against the Enemy is going.

[And, as an aside, feel free to crack jokes about how a lawyer is using quarterly reports to gauge how much closer he is to meaningful simplicity. The way I see it, I have been reviewing and analyzing 10-Qs, 10-Ks, 8-Ks and almost every other type of SEC filing under the sun for 1/5 of my life. To use a similar format in this context is somehow perversely justified. :) ]

So, without further ado, here is Jack’s 2008 Q4 (8-K) report for the quarter ending December 31, 2008:

Getting Rid of Consumer Debt/Student Loans
Start: Ongoing
End: September 1, 2009

STATUS
Checkmate! As of this quarter I officially have NO consumer debt. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: getting rid of debt actually makes me feel LIGHTER. There are less bills in my mailbox each month. There is less mental energy being wasted on debt in general. Ultimately, less really is more.

On the student loan front, I am waiting to start my new job later in the year before figuring out how to get my law school to pay for some or all of my student loans.

QUARTERLY GRADE: A-

Sale of Stuff
Start: July 2008
End: December 2009

STATUS
In a reverse from last quarter, I have actually found some buyers for some of the stuff I’ve put up for sale on Craigslist. The process I’ve set up is also freeing in its own right. I’ve gathered all the things I’m selling into one closet. Every time I sell something, the closet gets less cluttered. The cash I get after a sale goes into an envelope. I’ve already deposited over $300 dollars into my savings account. I might have 5-6 items left to sell and then will be holding a garage sale right before leaving my place.

QUARTERLY GRADE: B+

Selling the Townhouse
Start: October 1, 2008
End: September 1, 2009

STATUS
Now that my house is on the market, all I need to do right now is wait and see. A quick sale would be a godsend, but I’m prepared to wait until the summer to reassess options. The important thing is that the process has started and, for better or worse, the most obvious manifestation of the sick consumerism that gripped me not so long ago will be shed this year.

QUARTERLY GRADE: B

Leaving My Job
Start: December 17, 2009
End: December 31, 2009

STATUS
As I’ve said before, in the end, deciding to leave my job early was inevitable. My heart is just not in it anymore. Life is too short to waste an extra year of your life waiting to get paid. Maybe things would be different if I had a family and kids to think about. All I know is that I can’t do this kind of work anymore. Just two more months and then it will all be over….

QUARTERLY GRADE: A

Planning

This week has been rather hectic. Who knew starting a whole new life would be so complicated? Ideas and desires need to be transformed into concrete plans; concrete plans need to be broken down into manageable tasks; and even those tasks need to be incorporated into an ever-expanding set of to-do lists. But hey, for the first time in my life this whole process is leading me somewhere meaningful. That’s what makes this transition so rewarding; all the planning and task-making is, in fact, reinforcing the process of simplification. In all the ways that matter, you cannot have simplicity without going through the process. And it is the process itself (with all its complexities, material purges, and inevitable emotional highs and lows) which lends simplicity meaning and definition.

Speaking of simplification, I’ve been putting together the finishing touches on something I’ve been thinking about doing for some time now. It’s definitely not for everyone but it sure makes sense to me. Stay tuned.

On Family

[Photo: content.answers.com]

Boy, is this an awkward topic.

As I work to unhinge myself from a life that no longer makes sense to me I am becoming aware of all sorts of new possibilities and opportunities. On the other hand, I am also questioning a great deal of what I have been conditioned to believe constitutes happiness in the first place. In some ways, this is sort of inherent in this process of simplification. To question the need for a 3,000 square foot house, the virtue of becoming trapped in a lucrative but unfulfilling job and even the merits of living a lifestyle full of unmitigated excess is to question your own assumptions about the very nature of happiness itself. In all the ways that matter, the old paradigm is dead. In its place is an urgency to question all assumptions about what truly makes a person happy.

Which brings me to the third rail of the voluntary simplicity movement: do you need to have kids to find happiness? More to the point, is procreation a prerequisite to happiness?

DEVIATING FROM “NORMAL”

When I first went to law school I felt like I was following the path of least resistance. The steps were pretty clear to me: finish law school, get a job, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. While I don’t think I had a very clear sense of why this seemed like the right path to take, in retrospect, this seemed like the right path precisely for the same reasons buying a huge house and coveting a high-paying, stressful job seems like the right path for so many other people. Our society conditions us to accept the “normal” path from the day we are born. To deviate from “normal” by choosing to forgo our right to procreation is to embrace the unknown and accept a life outside the mainstream. More importantly, choosing not to have children challenges the choices made by those who have found their own version of happiness in the realm of the “normal.”

This is not to say that there is anything inherently wrong with the “normal” path. Every day I surf my way through people’s blogs and I get a glimpse of what it would be like to have a family of my own. I won’t lie to you, my dear reader. There have been times when pictures of a family doing stuff together have left a heavy lump in my throat. I have seen myself in those pictures, holding something small and precious, something that can live on after I am gone.

BUT, IS HAVING KIDS REALLY FOR ME?

But, is having kids really for me? Believe it or not, there are a growing number of families that have chosen not to have kids in the first place. Some couples base their decision on ethical concerns (“having children only adds further stress to our natural resources…”); others don’t feel they will be good parents; still others see children as a threat to their financial and social independence (i.e., a child born today will cost a family anywhere from $130k to $260k).

All of these reasons resonate with me. The last two, in particular, brings up all sorts of conflicting emotions. I know that, at least for the foreseeable future, I would be a TERRIBLE father. I am still too selfish, too damaged, too quick to assuage my own needs at the expense of anyone, or anything else. Things are getting better every day, but this is a process that has to take its own deliberate course. I need time to heal. Right now, I just don’t have the time and/or energy for anything else.

I’m also weary of the strain having a family will have on my long-term plans. How can I travel the world when I have to be at home and do the responsible parent thing? How can I take months-long bike rides when there is a little one depending on my emotional and financial support at home? How can I embrace simplicity when the very act of becoming a parent seems anything but simple?

STOP YOUR WHINING, JACK!

“Stop your whining, Jack,” I tell myself. “Just be the best person you can and everything else will fall into place. In the end, you will know the answer.” That’s pretty good advice.

Pyro Follow Up

It’s been one of those weeks when the reality of the worst economic downturn in generations is nothing but a faint echo outside my office window. Things are actually PICKING up here at the office and I’m just trying to keep my head above water.

But hey, why worry? I have my Halloween costume ready to go and the promise of copious libations and assorted mischief is definitely in the air. :)

[Photo: foureyesjokeshop.com]

For now, I wanted to share the following narrative. It’s something I put together in response to some questions I got this week. I hope this adds some context to my previous post. As always, constructive comments, complaints, and annoyances are always welcome. Have a great weekend everyone.

Why did you burn your law diploma?

At some point, I realized that a great deal of my self-worth was tied to being a Harvard law grad. Burning my degree was just a way to continue this process of simplification. I still have fond memories of Harvard. My three years there were the most intellectually stimulating, most meaningful of my entire life. But, ultimately, I want to live my life on my own terms without needing a piece of paper to justify my own worth.

Was there a trigger to your move to shun excess and pursue a simpler life?

After years of working 12-hour days, giving up countless weekends and canceling vacations at the last minute, I just had enough. I eventually realized that I was slowly losing my life, one billable hour at a time. In the end, it makes no sense to trade 90 percent of your waking hours for a chance to buy expensive clothes, be seen at fancy restaurants, and indulge in all sorts of excess. More recently, a friend of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer. There is nothing like being made aware of your own mortality to help you focus on what truly matters: family, love and friendship.

How far have you come? Are you downsizing, or is this more of an attitude shift?

I've been taking small, deliberate steps since last year to simplify all aspects of my life. Thus far, I have decluttered my house and have arranged for the sale of most of my furniture. Up next, leaving my job, selling my house and taking some time off to figure out next steps.

If you've already begun shedding material gains, is there anything you miss?

Not so far. Embracing voluntary simplicity does not imply that you have to accept abject poverty or that you need to reject all material comforts. Voluntary simplicity encourages you to shed anything that does not have genuine value to you. In my case, I no longer find a need to patronize Citronelle on a weekly basis, or head out to Vegas to spend a couple of thousand dollars every chance I get. I now spend money on things that bring me meaningful joy. And it just so happens that most of these things are so cheap, they are practically free.

Why did you want to become a lawyer in the first place? What were your expectations coming out of law school?

The honest answer is that I went to law school because I didn't know what else to do with my life. I had a vague sense that I wanted to work in the public interest field, but I did not know in what capacity. In the end, I was seduced by the prestige of all the law schools that accepted my application and by the opportunity to make a difference. And then the reality of incurring $120,000 of law school debt plus the allure of making a six-figure salary changed everything. By the time I left Harvard, I had already bought my first $1,000 suit.

Is there a way for you to continue on a legal career path that will satisfy your desire for simplicity?

I am definitely interested in transitioning into the public interest field. Finding a legal job that satisfies my intellectual curiosity, assuages my moral convictions, and allows me the opportunity to explore my other interests is a priority.

Why chronicle your transition so publicly in a blog? Is there something cathartic about blogging openly, or does committing yourself in public force you to stay on course?

I started the blog as a way to keep track of my progress. At first, it was just a matter of outlining all of the things that were not working in my life and figuring out practical ways to resolve them on my own. Early on, I found that interacting with other people who were confronting similar issues was another way to brainstorm and encourage simplification. There is something about anonymity that allows people to drop their guard and be open about the things they want out of life. I have learned that there is great value in sharing yourself with others, even in the shadows of anonymity.

What have you learned about yourself and what other lawyers are going through in regards to work/life balance issues?

I have learned that there are other ways to live my life and that I should follow my heart, no matter where it leads me.

I've also learned that there is something seriously wrong with law firm life. I've been blogging for five months now, and I am still surprised by the sheer number of e-mails I receive from other lawyers who are dealing with some of the very same issues I struggle with. I think there is a yearning out there for a way to reconcile the demands of a legal career with other life goals. Many lawyers feel that they have rejected important aspects of themselves in exchange for a life they no longer feel they want to live. They feel trapped because they have to pay a mortgage, student loans, private school tuition, etc. ... but have no idea how to get out.

I think it is important to emphasize that not every lawyer working at a law firm is unhappy. Some of my very best friends have thrived in that environment and are genuinely happy. If you derive genuine, meaningful pleasure from the profession and can overcome all the obstacles that this lifestyle places on your personal life, then you have it made.

Explanations

[Photo: farm1.static.flickr.com]

SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

I’ve gotten quite a few emails/comments on this question. The short answer is that (1) it was inevitable; and (2) something happened this week that made chucking the Plan the most natural thing to do.

On Inevitability

I think Jennifer said it best:

“I thought this might be coming. :) Based on my experience, once you mentally check out of a job you cannot check back it. You're done, even if you don't know it yet.”

The truth is that while I have been practicing law for the past few months I’ve already pretty much checked out of the profession. It’s hard to be an effective lawyer when your eyes start glazing over while reading contracts. It’s hard to build good client relations when all you want to do during conference calls is to throw the phone against the wall. It’s hard to draft good work product when you no longer care whether that one case is cited correctly.

Seriously, how can I continue coming into an office wearing $1,500 suits when my mind is in Alaska, or in a van somewhere out west, or on a freight train in North Carolina, or on a sail boat in the middle of the ocean. In the end, I came to the conclusion that leaving earlier than next year was inevitable after I asked myself this question: How can I continue to live in a prison voluntarily when I’ve found the key to freedom?

On Living

If leaving my job earlier than next year was inevitable, the only question on the table was when, precisely, I would leave. That answer came to me on Wednesday. An old friend came to town that night and we met for a couple of drinks. After catching up a bit I told him about my new commitment to voluntary simplicity and about leaving my job, selling the townhouse, even this blog. He seemed genuinely happy for me, which was strange coming from him. The last time I saw him he had been drinking Patron between two very expensive-looking women in the VIP section of some exclusive club in NYC.

Jack: “Dude, seriously, you look different.”

Friend: “Really, how so?”

Jack: “Well, I don’t know. Just different. Maybe more…serene…happier?”

Friend: “Well I am happier. I’m leaving for Botswana on Friday. Doing a safari and then heading to South Africa.”

Jack: “What! No fucking way! YOU are doing a safari?” I laugh out loud.

Friend: “Jack, I’m dying.”

Long silence.

Jack: “I’m so sorry”

Friend: “Don’t be sorry. We are all dying Jack. It’s just that some of us are dying a little faster. The key is to not live your life as if you are already dead.”

At that moment I decided to quit my job.

END GAME

I approached my mentor the next day to let him know I was thinking of leaving. He was very supportive. There are still some details to figure out but by February or so I will no longer have any connection with big law firm life.

I am now one step closer to freedom. I feel lighter. I am serene. I am ready to live my life.

Bring it on!

I’m jumping. I don’t give a shit. I have been living in the dark for a while now and enough is enough. Sure, you can have tons of fun in the dark. Believe me, there have been times when the booze has been fantastic, when the partying, the women, and the meaningless self-importance of being an asshole lawyer have all been exquisite, convenient distractions from genuine happiness.

But all of that is over as of today. I have to save my soul. I can’t continue giving up bits of myself every time I walk into this office. I can’t go to sleep every night knowing that I can’t live my life for yet another year. More to the point, I can’t stand those exquisite, convenient distractions any longer.

LIFE IS SHORT
Life is short, my dear reader. Take the time to think about this fact carefully: you, my dear reader, can die tomorrow. Now, I know you *think* you already know that, but if you would just indulge me once more, let me repeat myself: YOU (yes, you! the person reading this right this very minute) CAN DIE TOMORROW. This is a fact and not some trite Dead Poets Society slogan.

[Photo: buildupman.blogspot.com]

I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE
I want to live my life furiously, with tons of traveling, love, friendship, bicycling, and some serious fucking in between. I want to have the time to figure out who this Jack person really is. I want to have the opportunity to be reckless, but only in the pursuit of knowledge, experience and, ultimately, meaningful wisdom. I want to live my life as if everyday is my last day on earth.

BOTTOM LINE
The first day of the rest of my life starts today. No more waiting. No more bullshit. Details to follow.

Progress So Far (Q3 2008)

I can’t believe I made it to the end of September. I really can’t. There have been times when the stress of work and the anxiety of waiting for this process to take it’s logical, deliberate course has been almost too much to bear. But here I am, my dear reader. I am staring at a calendar that tells me that I have survived another quarter and have moved closer to the beginning of something precious: absolute, simple freedom. :)


Now that I am here I figured it was time to check in with the Enemy and see how far along I have come:

Getting Rid of Consumer Debt/Student Loans
Start: Ongoing
End: September 1, 2009


STATUS
My debt reduction plan continues unabated. By tomorrow, I will be able to say that I retired approximately 62% of the consumer debt I accumulated since I bough my townhouse. I am still on target to finish paying it all off by next September though I could always pay it off in full using part of my savings. The more I put in savings the more this becomes an attractive possibility. I think I will feel comfortable signing a big fat check sometime in the next several months. But, again, this consumer debt is parked in a 0% credit card, so it’s not as if I am incurring a monthly interest charge. I don’t have a strong incentive to pay this off at the moment, apart from the psychological boost it would provide.


The student loan debt is still humongous. I’m continuing to make minimum payments, which is annoying because I am paying a great deal towards interest. Again, I think this will not be much of an issue once I start a new public interest job. As I mentioned, my law school has a program that pays off student loan debt if you work in the public interest field. This will probably be the subject of a future post.

QUARTERLY GRADE: A


Sale of Stuff
Start: July 2008
End: December 2009


STATUS
One word: nowhere. After de-cluttering my townhouse earlier this year I was left with five or six items that I put up on craigslist. Maybe the prices I advertised were too high or maybe it’s just the economic times we live in but I got exactly 0 responses for all the items I posted. I will try again in a couple of months and see if I can unload some stuff. If I can’t I will just have to wait until I hold a proper yard sale before I leave the townhouse next year.


QUARTERLY GRADE: F


Selling the Townhouse
Start: October 1, 2008
End: September 1, 2009


STATUS
My dear reader, you have NO idea how gratifying it is to finally start focusing on how to get rid of my townhouse. It is the single biggest obstacle to my freedom, both literally and figuratively.
Starting this Thursday I will be contacting real estate professionals, attorneys and tax advisers to try and outline all possible options. Once I get all the facts I will be in a better position to plan my exit strategy. I can’t wait to get started! :)

QUARTERLY GRADE: N/A


Leaving My Job
Start: December 17, 2009
End: December 31, 2009


STATUS
I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I came to terms with the possibility that I could, in fact, leave my job earlier than next December. This is actually the most significant development since I started this process and I am grateful for it. :)

From the beginning, I could justify leaving my law firm because by the time I did I would have enough cash to feel comfortable and secure for years to come. While the plan calls for having enough money in the bank to make $10k a year in interest, the reality is that I could probably live off whatever salary I get from the dream jobs I am currently researching without tapping into my savings. Bottom line, even if I were to leave my job in 6 months or even 3 months, I would still have enough in savings to make leaving my job early worthwhile.


What this all means is that the date of my departure from the law firm is no longer based on how much I have in savings. In fact, freedom for me now depends on how soon I can figure out the practicalities of getting rid of every unnecessary physical thing in my life. As soon as I can dispose of the townhouse and get rid of my furniture I will be in a position to quit my job. What a difference a change in perspective can make.


QUARTERLY GRADE: N/A

New Tenant

In an effort to boost my savings I’ve decided to get another tenant for the townhouse. As of October 1st a very nice Polish student will be staying in what used to be the guest bedroom.

I’m pretty psyched about this. Having another check coming in on a monthly basis is definitely a big plus and will make the Plan that much more feasible. Also, the fact is that I’m usually not home and I hardly see my other tenant anyway. This really shouldn’t change things much. In the end, my savings account will thank me.

Call Follow-Up

I wanted to provide a brief follow-up to an earlier post about a conversation I had with my mom that did not go so well. During that very tense, unpleasant conversation I basically came clean about wanting to quit my job just so that I could pursue happiness on my own terms.

My mom and one of my sisters were in town this weekend. More than anything I wanted to see my mom so that we could come to some kind of detente. Nixon eventually visited China. The Soviet Union was all about perestroika for a while in the 80s. My hope last Friday was simple: if my mom and I could have an open, direct conversation about my Plan she would see the wisdom of my plans, she would be impressed by my maturity, and, more importantly, she would be inspired towards simplicity herself.

Well, so how did it go, you ask? Not so good. Jack was, as always, a victim of stupid, naïve, idealism. Following the format of my previous post, I wanted to share the following observations about our only face-to-face conversation:

Jack’s Mom Loves Him Dearly

“I love you Jack. You are a wonderful person and an even more wonderful son.”

Jack’s Mom is Set in Her Ways

“Back when I was young the focus was always to work all your life, take care of your kids and only relax after you retire. To do anything else is pretty much just being lazy. And I know you are not a lazy person.”

Jack Suspects That His Mom May Be a Bit Jealous of His Plan

“I mean, who decides to essentially retire before they are even 32? Look at me…I’ve gotten up at 6:00am every Mon through Friday for decades just to take care of my family. That’s the way life is. To do anything else is just plain weird.”

Jack Suspects That His Mom’s Ego May be Involved

“What am I going to tell your family? What about all my friends? What am I going to tell them? That my only son, the son who graduated from Ivy League Law School X, who makes $X a year wants to give it all up just to be a bum? Because that is precisely what you will be Jack, a bum.”

BOTTOM LINE

The bottom line is that nothing was really resolved; my mom still thinks that I'm absolutely nuts ala "who are you and what have you done with my son.” I may never be able to make her understand what this process means to me or how much I value this new life I am slowly crafting for myself. But you know what? I don’t care. I can’t care. She is in her late 50s and has lived her life in her own way. She is who she is, just as I am who I am or, at least, who I hope to be.

What matters to me at this point is that I am, indeed, determined to complete this journey. I am focused. My mind is resolved. My will is unshaken. My mind is strong. I am not giving in. I am not giving up. And to hell with anyone who stands in my way. Including my mom.

Last Night's Call

One thing you need to understand about me, my dear reader, is that I’ve never been all that close to my family. I had a pretty complicated upbringing: there were several marriages, separations, and divorces, all of which were sprinkled with the inevitable needs of multiple offspring; there were harsh words exchanged in front of children much too young to know the difference between love and desperation; most (worst?) of all, there was a sense of hopelessness that permeated the air of my youth. In the end, I thought the only thing I could do was flee so that I could one day breathe air that was pure and free. And so I did.

LAST NIGHT’S CALL
I got a call from my mom last night and all hell broke loose. I planned to have a conversation with her about the Plan sometime next year when things were rolling closer to fruition. But she called me last night with some questions that left me no choice but to spill the beans a little early. I didn’t quite mention the sale of the townhouse or getting rid of all my stuff. THAT might have given her a heart attack. But I did happen to mention that I would be leaving my job sometime next year. Here’s a little taste of what I was facing last night.

Jack is Inconsiderate
“Jack, what do you mean you are going to quit your job next year!??” Why didn’t you tell me about this before? How dare you keep things from me!? How dare you!”

Jack is Insane
“Who the fuck does that!? Are you insane!? Have you been to a doctor? Please tell me that you have been diagnosed with some sort of medical condition? Otherwise, who in their right mind would do such a thing. I mean, it’s crazy! How dare you!”

Jack is Selfish
“Why are you being so selfish!? Don’t you know that I will be retiring soon and the economy is going to shit? You need to think about what you will be doing to your family. How dare you!

Jack is Throwing His Life Away
“Have you thought about all the work you have put into your career? Think about all those nights studying for exams, all the money you spent to pay for school…all that sacrifice will be going down the drain if you do this! You are throwing your life away!! How dare you!”

DO I NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO…?
I kept my cool during the call. I always do. I think it has something to do with the need to maintain control in the face of uncontrollable anger and rage. I guess my childhood was good for something.

But the call did prompt some soul-searching. I mean, seriously:

*Do I not have the right to leave a job that I find unfulfilling?

*Do I not have the right to make decisions about my own life, even if, ultimately, I find that I need to take a different path?

*Do I not have the right to try and be happy the best way I know how?

And So It Begins

Decided to leave work a little early today and get myself a little voluntary simplicity fix. I’m in the decluttering phase of The Plan so I’ve adopted the following strategy: start on the first floor, go from room to room categorizing everything in my path into (I) stuff that I can get rid of NOW; (II) stuff that I can get rid of once my tenant leaves; (iii) stuff that I will need to get rid of before vacating the premises. I will be putting up the excel spreadsheet (yeah, I'm using a spreadsheet, so what of it?) once I'm done. Along the way I trashed everything that I could.

Picture if You Will

I’ve been a bit sporadic with posts these past couple of weeks. I think that’s partly due to how crazy things are at work at the moment. Never underestimate how the reality of the “material” can compromise your desire for change. It’s hard to focus on personal growth/shedding the old to make way for the new/simplifying/downshifting when you have billion-dollar deals on your desk that need attention.

But that’s not the whole story. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, waiting for specific dates to show up on my doorstep, just so that I can cross something off my list. The worst part is that I’ve caught myself counting the days and noting how many months I have left till December 2009. It is just not healthy. I’m in a rut and it really sucks.

This week was particularly bad. Things on the romantic front took a turn for the worse with someone that I’ve come to care a great deal about. I spent all day yesterday with buddies drinking up a storm all over the city. Spending tons of cash. Feeling sorry for myself. Suddenly everything was spinning out of control and I couldn’t give two shits about The Plan, The Enemy, and, most of all, myself.

PICTURE IF YOU WILL

Picture if you will, my dear reader…

Jack and his friends charge into the bar, like wild bulls. They spot a crowd of girls in the middle of the bar. Jack turns to his friend and says “Dude, they are HOT.” Jack’s friend nods and knows what comes next.

Jack makes his way over to the one in the middle; the porcelain centerpiece; the one all the other girls always congregate around. He’s a bit coy this evening. “Hey. I’m Jack. What’s your name?” She responds hypnotically, “Hey Jack, nice to meet you! I’m External. External Validation.” Jack raises an eyebrow. “You know, I know this is going to sound like a line, but you look super familiar. Do you know Apathy? He was my roommate in college.”

Within a minute Jack’s friends join the party and that shameful, empty business can start all over again. He buys them shots. He mentions a certain law school’s name. He talks about his ‘portfolio’. He buys more shots.

All the while External Validation stares at Jack, full of adoration. Or is it pity. Jack doesn’t care. All he knows is that she is everything he ever wanted.

EPILOGUE

Jack watches the cab pull away. He walks inside his beautiful townhouse, cursing under his breath. It’s 7:00 am and he is still drunk. The emptiness is drowning him. He turns on his laptop, opens up Word and begins typing:

“I’ve been a bit sporadic with posts these past couple of weeks…”

Putting It All Together

So, let’s review. To meet my goals I’m going to need to focus on the following:

Getting Rid of Consumer Debt/Student Loans
Start: Ongoing
End: September 1, 2009

I will continue setting aside a certain amount a month to pay down my consumer debt. At the same time, I’m going to investigate the practicalities of having my law school pay for my student debt.

Sale of Stuff
Start: July 2008
End: December 2009

I will start by cataloging all my possessions, taking pictures, putting up ads on craigslist/ebay and seeing what I can sell. I’m also going to talk to friends and family to see who needs specific stuff so that they can have first dibs. I have a feeling that as crazy as some of these people think I am for doing this, in the end they are going to appreciate Santa Jack.

Selling the Townhouse
Start: October 1, 2008
End: September 1, 2009

By October of this year I will start contacting lawyers and real estate professionals to figure out best options. Given the change in administration and the various mortgage-related pieces of legislation floating around congress at the moment, it might actually be prudent to wait to get the ball rolling on this. Who knows…maybe the market will improve enough for me to sell at no loss. Or maybe legislation will clarify what will happen to people in my situation. Regardless, I want to be in a position to put the place up for sale by March 2009 and finally dispose of it by September of next year.

Leaving My Job
Start: December 17, 2009
End: December 31, 2009

Woa, that was sweet; actually had to look at a calendar to figure out when I would need to give two weeks notice so that I could leave my job by the December 31, 2009. That felt good…



So, there is it! I now have a semblance of a plan. All I need to do at this point is put one foot in front of the other and get started. And in between I’m hoping to recruit friends, family and you, my dear reader, to keep me honest and on track.


SHIFTING FOCUS
Up until now, my posts were intended to flush out the practicalities of my journey with a touch of the universal in between the couch cushions. But personal growth does not come about through to-do lists. Having already surrendered myself to this process I have a very strong suspicion that it is the struggle itself that brings us closer to the universal. That’s why I suspect that from here on out this blog will shift focus a bit; practicality will be supplanted by a furious focus on the every day struggle to make that next step on a journey towards the unknown. And it is the unknown that beckons.

THE ENEMY, PART FOUR: DEBT

Given the crazy materialism of the past couple of years I’m actually in relatively good shape on the consumer debt front. I currently have $18K in debt parked in a 0% APR credit card. To give you some context, at some point, I probably had double or triple that amount in consumer debt. I’ve been setting aside a certain amount of $ a month to pay that down, even as I maintain a savings target every month.

Things are more dire on the student loan front. After 5 years undergrad at one of the most expensive universities in the country and 3 in an Ivy League law school I still have a ton of student debt to pay off. I’m actually way better off than some of my law school buddies, but this is just unacceptable for someone who wants to make it on a limited amount of interest a year.

Simplicity Meets the Enemy
The current plan calls for continuing to pay a certain amount every month toward my last remaining credit card until it is paid off. And as for the student loans, I have a big lifeline that I can rely on. As it turns out, my law school will pay down my student loans to the extent I have a public interest law-related job. I want to treat this in a later post, but basically I want to find a law-related job for a nonprofit that focuses on sustainability and/or environmental protection issues. It looks like I can kill two birds with one stone: transition to a job that I love and pay down my school debt, all at the same time. :)

Timeline
If all goes well, I should be done paying down my consumer debt by September of 2009. I can probably have my law school pay down my school debt starting in January 2010, hopefully right after I leave my current job.

THE ENEMY, PART THREE: STUFF, STUFF, AND MORE STUFF

What can I say? When you buy a 3000 square foot place you just HAVE to buy a bunch of furniture. Not only do you buy run-of-the-mill stuff like a king-sized $4.5k hand-crafted wooden sleigh bed but you also take a couple of trips to antique shows so you can show the world that you can buy several expensive 400-year old Chinese pieces (for fucks sake, they actually refer to this stuff as “pieces”, not furniture). And, of course, you definitely need rice cookers, tea kettles, hampers, lamps, home office supplies, HD plasma TVs, etc…

If I could just go back in time and grab a hold of that me two years ago I would shake me firmly and scream: “What the hell are you doing!? Why do you even need all this stuff? Are you buying it because you need it or because society thinks you should own it? Do you have any idea how many natural resources were wasted just so that you, one single fucking person, can pretend to own the entire universe?

Simplicity Meets the Enemy
As they say, “everything must go!” The way to handle all this stuff is pretty simple: get rid of it by selling it, giving it away and/or giving it to friends. Going forward I will be cataloguing all the stuff I have, selling stuff on craigslist, and contacting people I trust to given them the heads up.

Timeline
It looks like the disposal process is going to have to be staggered. I can start on some of the craigslist stuff right away. However, I’ve been renting a room in the house to a friend and he will still need to have access to most of the furniture until the status of the townhouse is finalized. When the house is sold next year he will move out and I can get rid of the rest of the furniture. If all goes well, I could have all the furniture out of the house by July 2009.