Reflections (7): I Am a Buddhist

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Good Friday feels weird this year.

In years past, making an effort to embrace my Catholic faith during Holy Week was, more often than not, just sheer and utter drudgery. To be sure, there were times when I sincerely felt as if I could literally touch the purity and sanctity of my faith. But, for the most part, the annual pilgrimage to confess before Good Friday, the requisite attendance at mass and the focus on the pain and suffering of Jesus felt rather inauthentic. Empty even.

And then everything in my life changed. Suddenly, the ground below my feet was more solid. For the first time I knew who I was, who I wanted to be, and who I would never be again.

I also began to read. Passively at first. Later, I was gripped by a furious urge to understand that surprised even me. Eventually, it took embracing something outside of Catholicism for me to come to terms with my Catholic faith.

I AM A BUDDHIST

I am a Buddhist.

I write these words with a great deal of serenity and satisfaction. This glorious, ancient practice has helped to bring clarity to my heart in ways that I still cannot comprehend. For me, it is but the logical progression of a person who has embraced the tenants of an ephemeral, yet, ever-powerful movement called Voluntary Simplicity.

If Voluntary Simplicity is my destination, Buddhism is my roadmap.

If Voluntary Simplicity is the cool, misty waters of the Pacific Ocean,

Buddhism is my Surly Long-Haul Trucker:




COMING TO TERMS
Let me be clear. While I have embraced the practice of Buddhism, I am still Catholic. Or, at least, as Catholic as the Church says I am. I have yet to find anything inside myself that compels me to abandon my faith. Catholicism, for all its faults and contradictions, is, and always will be, the great enigma of my spiritual life.

What Buddhism has taught me is that I don’t ever have to completely resolve this enigma. I can immerse myself in the waters of my faith, so long as I embrace the path laid out by my heart.

And it is from this path that I write these words today.

[Reflections introductory post]

Reflections (6): On Being a Guy

Walking by a beauty salon the other day I stopped dead in my tracks. Turns out it was some sort of day spa for dudes. For a fee of over $100 a guy can enjoy a pedicure, a manicure, a lucious mud bath and complementary bath oils and soaps. Full-body massages are extra.

What. The. Fuck?

I don't know about you, but after spending almost three months “showering” in McDonalds' bathrooms all of this metrosexual bullshit pisses me off. I understand that Simple Living can mean different things for different people, but I can't help but feel sad at the current state of heterosexual guydom.




In the great tradition of Edward R. Murrow here's my own This I Believe short essay:

THIS I BELIEVE

I believe in Moday Night Football, pickup basketball and sweaty gyms.

I believe in shaving only when I feel like it.

I believe in making love to beautiful women.

I believe in drinking good beer and embracing occasional hangovers.

I believe in never shaving my chest.

I believe men can be considerate, loving, open and honest with their partners without turning into total pussies.

I believe half-naked chicks riding mechanical bulls are hot. Yeah, I said it. Again.

I believe I would rather get punched in my balls than watch The Notebook.

This I believe.


[Reflections Introductory Post]

Reflections (5): I Don't Want Children

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I don't want children. Period.

I've moved away from some ealier ambivalence on this issue. I think there is still a part of me that questions whether I could have the patience and commitment necessary to be a good parent. There is also a measure of selfishness in not wanting to place an irrevocable limitation on my finances and my personal life.

But what has completely transformed my thinking on this issue is a new-found understanding of what, specifically, I want out of life. There was a time when essential life decisions (education, career, love...) were clouded by social, cultural, and class expectations, by other people's opinions, and by perceived familial obligations. No longer.

Jack's new life paradigm is rather simple: (1) figure out what I need to secure long-term “happiness,” and (2) go out and find it. Anything that I don't consider an essential componet of this theoretical “happiness” is just not prioritized. And guess what? I just don't find child-rearing to be essential to my long-term happiness. After some soul searching I have come to the conclusion that I just don't have an overwhelming need to pass on my genes. I also don't believe that children are required to sustain meaningful love between two people. And, more importantly, I strongly suspect that the valuable lessons a person learns as a parent can be learned thorugh other endeavors.

This is not to say that I will NEVER have kids. It just means that having them is not a personal priority. I could see a situation in which I meet a person that becomes very important to me and who does prioritize child-rearing. At that point, a decision will have to be made that might very well change my life forever.

[Reflections introductory post]

Reflections (4): On Death

TO BE OPENED ON THE EVENT OF MY DEATH

August 6, 2009

ON DEATH
If you are reading this it is because I have passed on. All I can say at this point is that you should NOT feel sad for me. At all. In fact, you should know that by the time I wrote this I was ready to die. Or, more precisely, I had stopped worrying about death.

That's not to say I don't feel a little trepidation about how, exactly, I died. Not sure you can ever prepare yourself for being crushed by a semi, being drowned at sea, or even succumbing to a horrible disease. None of that stuff sounds very pleasant.

But it is the process of death that I have come to terms with. I am now actually looking forward to embarking on one last great journey, one that every one of us will one day share. On this journey, there is no bicycle to ride, no tent to set up, no defined trail to blaze. Death is as natural as childbirth, as comforting as breathing and, just maybe, as beautiful as a sunset over a clear blue ocean.

Death is the greatest journey of them all.


TO MY FAMILY
There is no denying that things have never been easy for us. There have been moments of rancor and bitterness that, at times, have tested our love for each other.

But that's all in the past. It doesn't matter now. In fact, as I sit here today, none of that stuff ever mattered. Ever.

What truly matters is that you know how deeply I have loved each and every one of you. How my love for you has sustained me through some of the darkest, loneliest moments of my life. How this love seeped into every inch of my heart until there was nothing left but memories of my love for you.

I love you all. I always will.

TO MY FRIENDS
You all know that I've never been the type of guy to express my feelings. But I guess that no longer matters.

I want you all to know that I would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for your strength, love and support. Know that I cared for you and that I cherished every beer, every laugh, and every hug we shared over the years.

If there is one overarching regret about death is that I can no longer be there for you. What comforts me is that I will always be your friend.

INSTRUCTIONS

Ashes
It is my wish that my remains be cremated and that my ashes be spread along the Mount Vernon Bike Trail in Northern Virginia on a clear, crisp fall day. Though I wouldn't object to dropping a little of Jack on a clear, warm summer day at Hoosier Pass in Colorado. Make sure whoever is doing the spreading is riding a bicycle. :)

Disposition of Assets
As denoted in my Last Will and Testament, as amended, any investments and other assets are to be liquidated upon my death and aggregated with any cash and cash equivalents into a common fund. The designated trustee is then charged with disbursing moneys from this common fund to pay for the Service as described below. Any remaining funds are to be used to pay for an all-expenses-paid, two-week vacation for my friends and family anywhere in the world. Have fun guys!

Service
I don't want any corny solemnity, depressing speeches or any of that standardized, gloomy funerary bullshit at any service you guys have for me. I want people to celebrate LIFE that day.

I picture a wide open field filled with wild flowers somewhere in the heart of the Shenandoah Valley. Everyone will be sitting on blankets, enjoying a delicious picnic while listening to awesome live music. No one should come in black. Wearing shorts and t-shirts will be encouraged. There will be a games section for the kids, tons of balloons, and an assortment of tasty desserts.

And, for God's sake, make sure you get a liquor license! I want people to drink their fill of wine and spirits, to dance, laugh, make love, and sing long into the night.

I want some of you to love so much on that day that you welcome a new life into this world nine months hence.

GOODBYE
Saying goodbye is never easy. But know that I am leaving this world after having found something precious and beautiful: genuine love. Love for my family. Love for my friends. Love for my fellow man. Love for myself.

When it is all said and done I died having lived my life on my own terms and without regrets. And that's more than most people can say.

Goodbye.

Jack

[Reflections introductory post]

Reflections (3): Relationship Checklist

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JACK'S LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST


2006
*Super hot
*Brilliant
*Great in bed (i.e., adventurous in every way)
*From the right kind of background [i.e., someone from a “good family” (i.e., good values) who comes from a certain “class,” and is of a certain “race”]
*Subservient to all of my needs and aspirations
*Willing to put up with any and all of my indiscretions
*Willing to accept that, while I am a “great catch,” I am emotionally closed in some very fundamental ways
*Willing to accept that I will spend a significant time with my friends on a regular basis


2009
*Super hot
*Brilliant
*Great in bed {i.e., adventurous in almost every way [threesomes and other joint third-party activities are now, sadly (but prudently), excluded]}
*From the right kind of background [i.e., someone from a “good family" (i.e., good values) and who is of a certain “race”]
*Willing to accept that I will spend a significant time with my friends on a regular basis
*Anti-materialistic, anti-consumerist and a strong supporter/adherent of a simple living lifestyle
*Not afraid to embrace adventure and world-travel
*Passionate lover of music, literature, and film
*Open to yoga, meditation, and deep spirituality



I guess that's progress.

[On Love post]

[Reflections introductory post]

Reflections (2): The FUCK post

After leaving a highly-paid job, giving away money I don't really need, and selling/donating most of my worldly possessions, I have come to a place in my life where meaningful clarity is attainable. I still have a long way to go but as of now there are certain things that are crystal clear:

FUCK people who claim to garner even an ounce of happiness from purchasing yet another “thing” they don't really need, EVEN AS they head out to a job they actively despise JUST SO that they can have the cash (or credit?) to purchase that very “thing” in the first place.

FUCK business suits, conference calls, billable hours, and making partner.

FUCK people who measure their self-worth by the size of their house, the make of their car, how far they have climbed the corporate ladder, the schools they attended, the restaurants they frequent and/or the people “they know.” These poor, insecure assholes are living in a dreamworld with shaky foundations, their lives ever-dependent on how they measure up against every other poor, insecure asshole in their sad little world of pretentious make-believe.

FUCK having 2 weeks of vacation a year.

FUCK the adrenaline rush you get when you answer a partner's question at 11:00 pm via Blackberry.

FUCK people who can't wait to tell you how late they worked the night before.

FUCK money. Seriously.

FUCK chicks that are suddenly more open to banging you once they realize you have money.

FUCK dudes who are suddenly more respectful when they realize that you attended Harvard Law School.

FUCK office politics, gossipy associates and awkward conversations with senior partners at firm functions.

FUCK having a house so large that you are forced to hire a cleaning person. If you think about it, you are pretty much FUCKED because you don't have the time to clean the place yourself BECAUSE you are working 80 hours a week in order to afford that large house in the first place.

FUCK that horrible feeling you get on Sunday when you know that you have to start all that office bullshit again on Monday.

FUCK that horrible feeling you get on Saturday when you know you have to work on Sunday.



FUCK me for having taken so long to figure it all out.


[Reflections introductory post]

Reflections (1): I've Been a Selfish Asshole

How can I put this delicately...I've been a selfish asshole.


I've been a selfish asshole to certain people in my family.

I've been a selfish asshole as a lawyer.

I've been a selfish asshole to countless anonymous and not so anonymous women.

I've been a selfish asshole to people I have loved.

I've been a selfish asshole to people I love.

I've been a selfish asshole to complete strangers.

Even when it looked like I was anything but selfish the asshole in me was, somehow, being selfish and self-serving.

[Reflections introductory post]

Reflections

This month marks the one year anniversary of Adventures in Voluntary Simplicity. As explained in an earlier post, this anniversary has given me the impetus to draft a series of summary posts that I hope to publish over the next several weeks.

These so-called Reflections represent an attempt, however flawed, to summarize certain truths I have embraced over the past year. Some emerged unspoiled and resplendent as I packed up the remnants of a life of excess I no longer desired. Others materialized in fits and starts as I stared out into the darkness of Washington DC from a drab office window, my only respite from the madness of billable hours, office politics and canceled vacations. Still others were plucked from the smile of a poor Virginian farmer, the kindness of a Kentucky waitress, and the gentleness of a small turtle I found on the road somewhere in Missouri. These Reflections are not conclusions per se. They are something more precious and fragile: they are the beginning of genuine understanding.

For me, the most important Reflection of all is that while the road is nowhere near it's end, I'm closer to reaching my destination. And that's what's important.