Pyro Follow Up

It’s been one of those weeks when the reality of the worst economic downturn in generations is nothing but a faint echo outside my office window. Things are actually PICKING up here at the office and I’m just trying to keep my head above water.

But hey, why worry? I have my Halloween costume ready to go and the promise of copious libations and assorted mischief is definitely in the air. :)

[Photo: foureyesjokeshop.com]

For now, I wanted to share the following narrative. It’s something I put together in response to some questions I got this week. I hope this adds some context to my previous post. As always, constructive comments, complaints, and annoyances are always welcome. Have a great weekend everyone.

Why did you burn your law diploma?

At some point, I realized that a great deal of my self-worth was tied to being a Harvard law grad. Burning my degree was just a way to continue this process of simplification. I still have fond memories of Harvard. My three years there were the most intellectually stimulating, most meaningful of my entire life. But, ultimately, I want to live my life on my own terms without needing a piece of paper to justify my own worth.

Was there a trigger to your move to shun excess and pursue a simpler life?

After years of working 12-hour days, giving up countless weekends and canceling vacations at the last minute, I just had enough. I eventually realized that I was slowly losing my life, one billable hour at a time. In the end, it makes no sense to trade 90 percent of your waking hours for a chance to buy expensive clothes, be seen at fancy restaurants, and indulge in all sorts of excess. More recently, a friend of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer. There is nothing like being made aware of your own mortality to help you focus on what truly matters: family, love and friendship.

How far have you come? Are you downsizing, or is this more of an attitude shift?

I've been taking small, deliberate steps since last year to simplify all aspects of my life. Thus far, I have decluttered my house and have arranged for the sale of most of my furniture. Up next, leaving my job, selling my house and taking some time off to figure out next steps.

If you've already begun shedding material gains, is there anything you miss?

Not so far. Embracing voluntary simplicity does not imply that you have to accept abject poverty or that you need to reject all material comforts. Voluntary simplicity encourages you to shed anything that does not have genuine value to you. In my case, I no longer find a need to patronize Citronelle on a weekly basis, or head out to Vegas to spend a couple of thousand dollars every chance I get. I now spend money on things that bring me meaningful joy. And it just so happens that most of these things are so cheap, they are practically free.

Why did you want to become a lawyer in the first place? What were your expectations coming out of law school?

The honest answer is that I went to law school because I didn't know what else to do with my life. I had a vague sense that I wanted to work in the public interest field, but I did not know in what capacity. In the end, I was seduced by the prestige of all the law schools that accepted my application and by the opportunity to make a difference. And then the reality of incurring $120,000 of law school debt plus the allure of making a six-figure salary changed everything. By the time I left Harvard, I had already bought my first $1,000 suit.

Is there a way for you to continue on a legal career path that will satisfy your desire for simplicity?

I am definitely interested in transitioning into the public interest field. Finding a legal job that satisfies my intellectual curiosity, assuages my moral convictions, and allows me the opportunity to explore my other interests is a priority.

Why chronicle your transition so publicly in a blog? Is there something cathartic about blogging openly, or does committing yourself in public force you to stay on course?

I started the blog as a way to keep track of my progress. At first, it was just a matter of outlining all of the things that were not working in my life and figuring out practical ways to resolve them on my own. Early on, I found that interacting with other people who were confronting similar issues was another way to brainstorm and encourage simplification. There is something about anonymity that allows people to drop their guard and be open about the things they want out of life. I have learned that there is great value in sharing yourself with others, even in the shadows of anonymity.

What have you learned about yourself and what other lawyers are going through in regards to work/life balance issues?

I have learned that there are other ways to live my life and that I should follow my heart, no matter where it leads me.

I've also learned that there is something seriously wrong with law firm life. I've been blogging for five months now, and I am still surprised by the sheer number of e-mails I receive from other lawyers who are dealing with some of the very same issues I struggle with. I think there is a yearning out there for a way to reconcile the demands of a legal career with other life goals. Many lawyers feel that they have rejected important aspects of themselves in exchange for a life they no longer feel they want to live. They feel trapped because they have to pay a mortgage, student loans, private school tuition, etc. ... but have no idea how to get out.

I think it is important to emphasize that not every lawyer working at a law firm is unhappy. Some of my very best friends have thrived in that environment and are genuinely happy. If you derive genuine, meaningful pleasure from the profession and can overcome all the obstacles that this lifestyle places on your personal life, then you have it made.

Day in the Life (part 6)

Jack leaves the office in a hurry. He wants to get home in time to catch a netflix movie on his laptop.

Not so long ago, he might have left his bike at the office for a chance to indulge in the wonders of alcohol consumption with some of his lawyer friends. Sometimes it was at a bar in Adams Morgan. At other times, Chinatown did the trick. If it was warm, the Georgetown waterfront was the place to be. Regardless, there was nothing like drowning away the evening with a glass of beer in your hand, good conversation and hot chicks all over the place. And there was nothing like indulging Monday through Saturday, if at all possible.

But that was before Jack’s big epiphany. After a couple of years indulging in all things excess, Jack began to feel that something was very wrong. At first he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He was making tons of money, had a bunch of ‘friends’ he could count on, and he was as promiscuous as his free time allowed. “What else could I possibly want?” Jack asked himself.

His first reaction was to indulge even more. He went to more bars, slept with more women, partied until all hours. One day he found himself on a bathroom floor reeking of tequila. Looking up at the ceiling he realized what had been bothering him for so long: he was horribly unhappy.

It was such a simple but powerful epiphany. It was as if he had been using his bare hands to dig sand out of a hole, only to find a shovel at the very bottom. In time, he would come to discover the beauty of simplicity and the happiness that comes with a simplified, deliberate life.

But that’s a story for another day.

Picture if You Will

I’ve been a bit sporadic with posts these past couple of weeks. I think that’s partly due to how crazy things are at work at the moment. Never underestimate how the reality of the “material” can compromise your desire for change. It’s hard to focus on personal growth/shedding the old to make way for the new/simplifying/downshifting when you have billion-dollar deals on your desk that need attention.

But that’s not the whole story. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, waiting for specific dates to show up on my doorstep, just so that I can cross something off my list. The worst part is that I’ve caught myself counting the days and noting how many months I have left till December 2009. It is just not healthy. I’m in a rut and it really sucks.

This week was particularly bad. Things on the romantic front took a turn for the worse with someone that I’ve come to care a great deal about. I spent all day yesterday with buddies drinking up a storm all over the city. Spending tons of cash. Feeling sorry for myself. Suddenly everything was spinning out of control and I couldn’t give two shits about The Plan, The Enemy, and, most of all, myself.

PICTURE IF YOU WILL

Picture if you will, my dear reader…

Jack and his friends charge into the bar, like wild bulls. They spot a crowd of girls in the middle of the bar. Jack turns to his friend and says “Dude, they are HOT.” Jack’s friend nods and knows what comes next.

Jack makes his way over to the one in the middle; the porcelain centerpiece; the one all the other girls always congregate around. He’s a bit coy this evening. “Hey. I’m Jack. What’s your name?” She responds hypnotically, “Hey Jack, nice to meet you! I’m External. External Validation.” Jack raises an eyebrow. “You know, I know this is going to sound like a line, but you look super familiar. Do you know Apathy? He was my roommate in college.”

Within a minute Jack’s friends join the party and that shameful, empty business can start all over again. He buys them shots. He mentions a certain law school’s name. He talks about his ‘portfolio’. He buys more shots.

All the while External Validation stares at Jack, full of adoration. Or is it pity. Jack doesn’t care. All he knows is that she is everything he ever wanted.

EPILOGUE

Jack watches the cab pull away. He walks inside his beautiful townhouse, cursing under his breath. It’s 7:00 am and he is still drunk. The emptiness is drowning him. He turns on his laptop, opens up Word and begins typing:

“I’ve been a bit sporadic with posts these past couple of weeks…”