Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Thoughts of Christmas

As Christmas comes upon us this week I can’t help but think about one particular Christmas that changed my life.

I had been living far from home for some time, trying my best to feel AND be lost to my family. Maybe there was a lot of anger inside me. Or maybe I just felt numb and preferred to ignore the fact that I actually had a family. Regardless, I was oblivious to their calls, mocked their emails and threw away their letters. “I’m living my own life,” I would say to myself. “I can take care of myself.”

And then something happened that tore my heart out. Suddenly, I was by myself, far from home and inconsolable. There were days during that period when my tears never stopped and my thoughts turned to dark places I never knew existed inside a person. I was ashamed. I was confused. I was alone.

Somewhere in the mist of all that darkness I realized that I could not make it alone. So I decided to come home for Christmas.

As I opened the door that Christmas eve I was greeted by the smell of a roast in the oven, a large Christmas tree in the living room and the warmth of my mother’s arms. “Don’t worry Jack,” she said to me. “You are now home. Everything is going to be ok.”

I’m not ashamed to say that I am crying as I write these words.


Happy Holidays everyone.

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